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O.L.D. lyrics

Album: Old Lady Drivers [1988]

Tracks14
 01  Total Hag
 02  Corpse Full of Gunk
 03  Supermarket Monstrosity
 04  Lepers w/o feet
 05  Tracheotomy Peashooter
 06  Wisdom Lost
 07  Cocaine
 08  Special Olympics
 09  I laugh as I chew
 10  Colostomy Grab-bag
 11  Feeding the Worms
 12 Old Ladies always break their hips
 13  Bathrooms rule
 14 Screaming Geezer
all O.L.D. lyrics



Total Hag
Look at the total hag reaming an
even older can of catfood...
Hear the flies buzzing through her
bodily openings, bringing with them
the coolest diseases...
Sometimes these flies get caught in the
cobwebs that are draped across her armpits...

LET'S PAY A VISIT TO THE TOTAL HAG

Look and see her age-spots and her
vericous veins...
Just taste the frozen green icicle
hanging off her nostril...
Hear the wheezing cough filling up
the air projecting her diseases...
I've had enough of this...

FELLAS LET'S GO TORMENT THE TOTAL HAG

Hunchback Turkeyneck Prune-tit Sag...

Let's pay A visit To the Total hag...

Garbage can Catfood Newspaper Bag...

Come on Let's go Let's go The total hag...

THE TOTAL HAG SMELLS LIKE MOTHBALLS (repeat at least 1000
times)

I like to scare the prune-tit scag
Drop a match in her shopping bag
Kick her in her Rickets, push her in the road
Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! I laugh at the total hag...back to top
Corpse Full of Gunk
Wax the boner (x4)

Wax the boner - put it in
Piercing cobwebs - deep within
Stabbing maggots - penis red
Moldy Oldy - in my bed
Lube the lizard - pelvic thrust
Hard to breathe - inhaling dust
Can't hold back - time to spunk
Corpse of granny - full of gunk

(repeat entire verse 3 times)back to top
Supermarket Monstrosity
In the supermarket with my mother at my side
Lurkin in the frozen foods was something that made me cry
A disfigured "being", limping down the aisle
Reached down, patted my head and greeted me with a smile...
MOMMY, MOMMY, MOMMY, MOMMY, MOMMY, MOMMY, MOMMY!
MOMMMYYYYYYYYYYYY!back to top
Lepers w/o feet
Lepers without feet
Hopping down the street
Walking on their knees
Doing as they please

Lepers without brains
Diving out of planes
Plunging through the sky
Thinking they could fly

Lepers without hair
Tumbling down the stairs
Turning into dust
Laughing is a must

Lepers without hands
Lying in the sand
Baking in the sun
I want mine well-done

Those zany lepers that have no feet
They fall apart -- in the street
Don't have much skin to call their own
It peels away -- revealing bone
Those crazy lepers, they are so neat
They fell apart in the street
All those lepers, they have no feet
FALL APART!!back to top
Tracheotomy Peashooter
Chicken bone - in my neck
I can't breathe - what the heck
Butter knife impales my throat
Through the slit - I start to choke
Plastic straw - held with gum
EMERGENCY TRACHEOTOMY
Has been done

Waiting for the ambulance
I get bored and start to play
I take the peas from my plate
Load the straw and fire away

Waiting for the ambulance
I get bored and start to play
Emergency - Tracheotomy
Can be fun - you better run

Waiting for the ambulance
I get bored and start to play
I take the peas from my plate
Load the straw and fire away
Shooting people in their eyes
Is so much fun, the pain subsides
Launching peas from my neck
Blinds the waitress who drops the check

Waiting for - the ambulance
I get bored and start to play
Emergency Tracheotomy
Can be fun - you better run - you better run

Waiting for - the ambulance
I get bored and start to play
I take the peas from my plate
Load the straw and fire away
It's so much fun the pain subsides
Launching peas from neck
Blinds the waitress who drops the check

Chicken bone - in my neck
I can't breathe - what the heck
Butter knife - impales my throat
Through the slit - I start to choke
Plastic straw - held with gum
Emergency - Tracheotomy
Has been funback to top
Wisdom Lost
Where are my dentures...
I can't find my dentures...
Where are my dentures...
I really need my dentures...
Where are my dentures...
What the fuck are dentures?
Where are my dentures..
I can't find my dentures...

Repeat verse

I can't remember anything!!!

Oh, when I was but a lad
I was as sharp as a tack
But now I'm old and I can't seem
To remember where I put my
Things... why me?
I mean - I'm supposed to be wise..
I'm old, I'm supposed to be wise

Now, what was I looking for?
Oh yeah! My bowling ball
Well, what do you know
It's right here - you see
I'm not senile
I found my bowling ball
I FOUND MY BOWLING BALL!!back to top
Cocaine
Die in your beauty sleep
Where is grandma? It's time to eat...
Perhaps in the bathroom, trying to excrete...
She's not on the throne, where can she be?
Maybe in the living room, watching TV...

Not in here either, where did she go?
Someone find her soon, the roast is getting cold...
OK - no one panic - we musn't dispair...
I've got a feeling she's somwhere upstairs...

Now I'm getting mad - where's that senile loon?
The only place left, is in the bedroom
Open the door, hear the wretched snore...

AHAAA!!
GRANDMA'S SLEEPING
GRANDMA'S SLEEPING

NO SHE'S NOT
NO SHE'S NOT

SHE'S DYING IN HER BEAUTY SLEEP
SHE'S DYING IN HER BEAUTY SLEEP

ALMOST DEAD...... ALMOST DEAD

Now we have to bury grandma...
Now we have to bury grandma...
Now we have to bury grandma...back to top
Special Olympics
The judge blows the whistle, and everyone falls down..
Crutches in the air - braces on the ground...
The crowd begins to laugh, at the helpless tarts...
No pity for the freaks, because they're fun to watch...
There are:
Retarts in potato sacks
One-legged amputees lying on their backs
Stupid fucking mongoloids drowning in the pool
Parapalegics in their chairs - all they do is drool

Repeat

NO LIMBS - NO FEET
NO LIPS - CAN'T EAT
CAN'T WALK - CAN'T SEE
NO COCK - CAN'T PEE (x2)

Half of them have died, when the day is over...
No trophies given out, 'cause all of them are LOSERS...back to top
I laugh as I chew
When we were young - it was only a game
You would win - at everything
Chilhood rivalry - developed and grew
Games became battles - the I would always lose
Now you're a big shot - controlling my life
Causing me nothing - but pain and strife
But I know your weakness - you haven't a friend
Except from your puppy - who soon will be dead

Here is your puppy's head
Your only friend - bloody red
It's all your fault - it is dead
Tides have turned - now you lose
If you want the rest
It's too late - there's nothing left
Mangled poodle - makes good stew
I ruined your life - I laugh as I chewback to top
Colostomy Grab-bag
She walks around in her robe
To hide her bag of shit
Colostomy bag, reeks of crud
Embedded in her hip
Screaming at the bitch
She took my parking spot
I caught a whif of colostomy
And took off bown the block

Almost one month later
I saw her in the park
Perfect time for revenge
It was after dark
Hiding in the bushes
As she's walking by
Jumping out on the path
I piss into her eye

Blinded with urea
Stupid smelly bag
I took my hands with all my might
And squeezed her colostomy bag
She spun around about ten times
Until she heaved up brown
Leaving her all embarrassed
In a putrib moundback to top
Feeding the Worms
Your body's lowered in the ground
Worms become your carcass bound
Nibbling on your skin and then
Munching on the meat within

Life is over - now you're dead
Worms are crawling through your head
The worms crawl in - the worms crawl out
They consume your body and poop you outback to top
Bathrooms rule
Do ya... wanna do some crack?
Do ya wanna drop a log?
Do ya prefer to pick your nose?
Or would ya rather mouse a hog?
The bathroom is a holy place
I can wack-off without disgrace
What! There's no paper? I don't care
I'll wipe my ass with my underwear

The bathroom is a holy place
I can wack-off without disgrace
There's so many games to play in here
Like "Bombs away in the hollow chair"

It's a place I can think
Projects chunks in the sink
So many things to do in there
You can't see me - so I don't care

BATHROOMS RULE!!!back to top
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