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Frank Zappa lyrics

Album: Absolutely Free [1967]

Tracks7
 01  Call Any Vegetable
 02  Andy
 03  Can't Afford No Shoes
 04  Cosmik Debris
 05  Evelyn, A Modified Dog
 06  Florentine Pogen
 07  Inca Roads
all Frank Zappa lyrics



Call Any Vegetable
Call any vegetable; call it by name
Call one today; when you get off the train
Call any vegetable; and the chances are good
That the vegetable will respond to you

(Some people don't go for prunes... I don't know,
I've always found that if they...)

Call any vegetable; Pick up your phone
Think of a vegetable, lonely at home
Call any vegetable; and the chances are good
That the vegetable will respond to you

Rutabaga, rutabaga, rutabaga, rutabay-y-y-y-y...

(A prune isn't really a vegetable... CABBAGE is a vegatable..)

No one will know if you don't want to let them know
No one will know 'less it's you that might tell them so

Call and they'll come to you
Smiling and covered with dew
Vegetables dream, vegetables dream
Vegetables dream, of responding to you

Standing there shiny and proud by your side
Holding your joint while the neighbors decide
Why is a vegetable something to hide/

(A lot of people don't bother about their friends in the vegetable kingdom.
They think: Oh, ah, what can I say? What can a person like myself say
to a vegetable? But the answer is simple, my friends: Just call, and tell
them how you feel about muffins...pumpkins...wax paper... Caledonia,
Mahoganies, elbows... green things in general... and soon, a new rapport...
You and your new little green and yellow buddies, grooving together...
Oh, no! Maintaining your cool together! Worshipping together in the
Church of your choice... (only in America...)

Call any vegetable; call it by name
You gotta call one today
When you get off the train

Call any vegetable,
And the chances are good
WOW! That the vegetable will respond to you

(Oh, no! Can you see them responding? That pumpkin is breathing hard...
h-h-h-h-h-H-H-H-H-H-H-H-HHHHHHHHHHHH!! (What a pumpkin...))"back to top
Andy
Is there anything good inside of you
If there is, I really wanna know
Is there anything
Good inside of you
If there is
I really wanna
Know
Is there anything
Good inside of you
If there is
I really wanna
Know
Is there?

Is there any-thaaaang good inside of you
If there is, I really wanna know-woh-oh-oh-oh
Is there any-thaaaang good inside of you
If there is, I really wanna know,
really wanna know...

Something
Anything
Something
Anything

Show me a sigh
If you don't mind
Show me a sign
If you don't mind

Do you know what I'm really telling you
Is it something that you can understand
Do you know what I'm really telling you
Is it something that you can understand
Do you know what I'm really telling you
Is it something that you can understand
Do you know what I'm really telling you
Is it something that you can understand


Andy de vine
Had a thong rind
It was sublime
But the wrong kind
Andy de vine
Had a thong rind
It was sublime
But the wrong kind

Have I aligned
With a blown mind
Wasted my time
On a drawn blind
Have I aligned
With a blown mind
Wasted my time
On a drawn blind

Oh Andy ...back to top
Can't Afford No Shoes
heh-heh-heh...
Have you heard the news?
(News? What news?)
Can't afford no shoes
(Get a good deal on tape)
Have you heard the news?
(News? Can't afford a paper)
Can't afford no shoes
(Hi-yo-hi)

Went to buy some cheap detergent
Some emergent nation
Got my load
Got my load
That i stowed

Well, well
He lawdy mama,
Cant afford no shoes
Maybe there's a bundle of rags that I could use
Hey anybody,
Can you spare a dime
If you're really hurtin', a nickel would be fine
Hey everybody
Nothin' we can buy
Chump Hare Rama, ain't no good to try
Recession
Depressionback to top
Cosmik Debris
from the Frank Zappa LP "Apostrophe"


The mystery man came over
and he said "I'm outta sight!"
he said for a nominal service charge,
I could reach nirvana tonight.
If I was ready, willing and able
to pay him his regular fee,
he would drop all the rest of
his pressing affairs and devote
his attention to me.

But I said "Look here brother-who you
jiving with that cosmik debris?
Who you jiving with that cosmik debris?
Look here brother, don't waste your time on me."

THe mystery man got nervous
as he fidgeted around a bit,
he reached in the pocket of his mystery robe
and he whipped out a shaving kit.
Now I thought it was a razor
and a can of foaming goo,
But he told me right then when the top popped open,
there was nothin' his box won't do,
with the oil of Aphrodite, and the dust of the Grand Wazoo.
He said "You might not believe this, little fella,
but it'll cure your asthma too."

But I said "Look here brother-who you
jiving with that cosmik debris?
Now what kind of a guru are you?
Look here brother, don't waste your time on me."

"I've got troubles of my own", I said
"and you can't help me out,
so take your medications and your preparations
and ram it up your snout!"
"But I got the crystal ball", he said
and held it to the light,
So I snatched it all away from him,
and I showed him how to do it right.

I wrapped a newspaper 'round my head,
so I looked like I was deep,
I said some mumbo-jumbo,
then I told him he was going to sleep.
I robbed his rings and pocketwatch,
and everything else I found,
I had that sucker hypnotized,
he couldn't even make a sound.
I proceeded to tell him his future;
then, as long as he was hanging around
I said "The price of meat has just gone up,
and your old lady has just gone down!"

And I said "Look here brother-who you
jiving with that cosmik debris?
Now is that a real poncho or a Sears poncho?
Don't you know, you could make more money as a butcher?
Don't waste your time on me."back to top
Evelyn, A Modified Dog
Evelyn, a modified dog
Viewed the quivering fringe of a special doily
Draped across the piano, with some surprise

In the darkened room
Where the chairs dismayed
And the horrible curtains
Muffled the rain
She could hardly believe her eyes

A curious breeze
A garlic breath
Which sounded like a snore
Somewhere near the Steinway (or even from within)
Had caused the doily fringe to waft & tremble in the gloom

Evelyn, a dog, having undergone
Further modification
Pondered the significance of short-person behavior
In petal-depressed panchromatic resonance
And other highly ambient domains...

Arf she saidback to top
Florentine Pogen
She was the daughter of a wealthy
Florentine Pogen
Read 'em 'n weep
Was here adjustable slogan

She was a debutante daisy
With a color-note organ
Deep in the street
She drove a '59 Morgan

That's the kinda step she takes
When her hot breaks hot breaks
That's the kinda sound she makes
(ooh, let go uh me)
When her crab cakes
(Arf arf arf)

She didn't like it when her fan belt
Shrunk & got shorter
(Ointment)
Battery leak could nearly cost her a quarter

*Na-na-na-noo, etc.*

She was the daughter
Ah-ah-ahhh
Of a wealthy
Florentine Pogen
Po-oh-wo-oh-oh
Po-oh-wo-oh-oh
Po-oh-wo-oh-oh
Ga-ya-ee-annnn

Read 'em 'n weep
Read 'em 'n weep
Read 'em 'n weep etc.

Chester's go-rilla
She go quack
Chester's go-rilla
She go oink
Chester's go-rilla
She go moo
Chester's go-rilla
She go
Hratche-plche
Hratche-plcheback to top
Inca Roads
Did a vehicle
Come from somewhere out there
Just to land in the Andes?
Was it round
And did it have
A motor
Or was it
Something
Different

Did a vehicle
Did a vehicle
Did a vehicle
Fly along the mountains
And find a place to park itself

Or did someone
Build a place
To leave a space
For such a vehicle to land

Did a vehicle
Come from somewhere out there
Did a vehicle
Come from somewhere out there
Did the indians, first on the bill
Care up the hill

Did a booger-bear
Come from somewhere out there
Just to land in the Andes?
Was she round
And did she have a motor
Or was she something different

Guacamole Queen
Guacamole Queen
Guacamole Queen
Guacamole Queen
At the Armadillo in Austin Texas, her aura,
Or did someone build a place
Or leave a space for Chester's Thing to land
(Chester's Thing... on Ruth)
Did a booger-beer
Come from somewhere out there
Did a booger-bear
Come from somewhere out there
Did the Indians, first on the bill
Carve up her hill
On Ruth
On Ruth
That's Ruth




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